Destruction Lurks Within

Psalm 19:12

How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults.

Denial – not just a river in Egypt.

That saying used to cause me to roll my eyes and groan at its triteness.

Not anymore… Just this week I have restarted working the steps of Celebrate Recovery, which is based on 8 biblical principals, as well as the 12 step recovery we all know. I have dealt with my addiction to food, but I didn’t ever really deal with my co-dependency issues. So, I am going through them again with a good friend.

I didn’t think anything of our first lesson, which is on Denial. I thought, “No biggie, I don’t have any denial in my life anymore… my life is an open book – good and bad.”

Um, WRONG! As we worked though the lesson, it became very clear to me that I am still in denial about many of the hurts and pains of my past and how they affect me to this day. There are many heart issues and feelings I have not properly dealt with and they are affecting my relationships and decision making.

After our lesson was over, I was reading my bible for devotional, and read Psalm 19. Normally in this psalm I focus on the beginning where it talks about the Heavens proclaiming the glory of God. I love how it compares the beauty of nature and the greatness of it to worship. Without a word, these things are glorifying God. However, as I read on, a new verse in that psalm stood out to me. Verse 19 – “how can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults.” Wow, that hit home. It dawned on me that when I am in denial about a sin in my life, it is hidden, but it is still there lurking in my heart. It doesn’t go away simply because I don’t acknowledge it, rather it remains there causing damage and destruction.

So… Denial – it really isn’t just a river in Egypt. It is a real issue, and one that reaches well beyond the obvious things like addiction in our lives. It reaches into our soul, and hides its sin in the shadows of our hearts.

My prayer today is that God will shine His Light into every crevice of my heart, my life, my mind, and reveal to me all the places where denial is lurking. I can’t be fully free in Christ unless I am willing to rid my life of denial and deal with the hurts, habits and hang ups that are affecting my life.

Thankfully, I am not alone in this struggle. Through my church and especially through Celebrate Recovery, I have found the support system I need to embark on and complete this journey.

If you would like to know more about Celebrate Recovery or find a meeting place near you, visit this website:

www.celebraterecovery.com