The Whole Picture

Do you ever have those moments when you know God is wooing you? Yes, I said wooing. Those moments which take your breath away and you just know God gave that moment to you, just for you, to let you know how much He loves you. I call those moment “God Kisses”.

I had one of those moments this past Sunday on my way to worship rehearsal. It was very early, and the sun was beginning to rise. The Eastern sky was a glowing orange that was just starting to make its way across to the West. The road I travel on the way to church takes me over one of the highest points in our small town here in Florida. As I reached the top of the hill, I gasped. From the top of the hill you can see fields all around and through the land below. Looking straight across, you see where the terrain rises again into the trees. These rolling hills are the closest thing to “mountains” in Florida.

On any given day, this drive is beautiful, but that morning in particular, the sight was spectacular. The sky to my left was bright with orange and red and blue. I could see far into the distance as the light slowly spread across the land. It was so clear! And yet, there was a thick fog that lay across the fields below, and the tree tops were the only thing you could see. They were tinted a beautiful orange and pink from the rising sun. Even the fog was changed from its usual gray into a sun-kissed glow. From that viewpoint, high atop the hill, I could see the whole picture of the landscape and it was glorious.

As I continued driving down the hill and into the fog, I noticed the scenery changed. It became dark again, and I couldn't see very far in front of me. The brightness of the sun had vanished as I drove through this low lying cloud. If I hadn't seen the beautiful view just moments before, I would have never known the beauty that was coming soon to this darkness.

Isn't that just how it is in our lives? In the midst of our darkest times, as we travel through the storm clouds that come, we cannot see the beauty that God has coming for us. From His vantage point, He sees the whole picture, and it is wonderful. From our view, it seems the darkness will never leave.

Oh, how much easier those dark moments would be if we could only remember that the light from the SON as we lift Him up will burn away that darkness, just as the sun burns away the fog as it rises in the sky. When our lives seem dreary and dark and we can't see very far in front of us, we simply need to remember that even though we can't see the whole picture, God can... and it's good.

We all have times of walking through the valley. Times of trial, stress, frustration. The bible refers to these times often, most famously in Psalm 23 where it speaks of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. It speaks of dark times, but in these times we must lift Him high through our praises, our worship, our prayer. We must wait on Him to burn away the fog that has overcome us. God is Faithful! He will not leave us in the valley forever. His light will dispel the darkness.

Psalm 46:5 says: “God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.”

Let me encourage you today... morning is on the way! Help is coming. God sees the whole picture and it is good!

Be Blessed!

Invitation From The King

My Beloved; Here's my hand,
come sit with me and dine.

Let me wash you in my love.

I am yours, you are mine.

My Darling; Do you feel that?

My focus is on you.

Have you begun to realize?

For you, my heart is true.

My Beautiful; Take a breath.

The air you breathe is me.

I will permeate your soul

to let your heart go free.

My Love; You bring me pleasure.

In you I find delight.

At dawn I rise up with you,

through day, then through the night.

My Treasure; Let me hold you.

Feel the warmth of my embrace.

Your eyes; they captivate me

as I gaze upon your face.

My Joy; Let's feast together.

This moment is our time.

Let me cleanse you with my love.

I am yours! You are mine!

Copyright © 2014 Mary Grace Wallace

You Want What??

I'm home alone. This is a rarity in my life, and I decided to take advantage of the moment. I spent the last couple hours with worship music blaring from the speakers as I went about the work that needed to be done. It was pure bliss.

Eventually, I settled down and just listened to the music and the words that were playing. I let myself give in to a wonderful, powerful, moving time of worship with my Creator. At first I prayed, and talked to Him. I prayed for those that were on my heart, and I prayed for my family and for myself. His undeniable presence was tangible. Then I started to sing along with the songs that were playing. As I did so, something in my spirit shifted.

You see, I LOVE to sing. I have been singing most of my life, and it is my absolute favorite thing to do. When singing is combined with worship, I am in my happy place. My heart of worship lets loose through my voice to my Father in Heaven. I am not the best singer with the best voice. I know my limitations when it comes to singing and some days it seems those limitations are endless! I can carry a tune and a harmony, and that is enough for me. God gave me the love for song, and I love giving it back to Him.

Tonight, however, He challenged me during my time of worship. As I sang out the words, “You Make Me Brave” in full voice, I stopped mid verse. I heard the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit asking me a question I wasn't prepared to answer.

“Will you give me your voice?”

What?

“Will you give me your voice?”

An array of thoughts flooded my mind, that ranged from “Of Course, Lord!” to “I already do give it to You” to “You mean REALLY give it to you?”

I knew in my heart what God was asking: Would I be willing to give up this thing that brings me such joy if He asked me?

I wish I could say that my answer was an immediate and fervent, “YES!” Being so very human, however, I hesitated. Then I cried, and finally I gave in to Him. A very weak answer of “yes, Lord,” came from my lips.

Now this may sound crazy, but instantly a warmth flooded my throat and my vocal chords. I thought to myself that He really was going to take my voice! A brief sense of fear filled my mind, but then I relaxed and gave in to Him some more. I'm thankful that God has a sense of humor because in this very holy and profound moment of surrender, the image of Ariel from The Little Mermaid popped into my head. You know the scene where Ursula takes her voice? I chuckled at my human brain and continued pressing in to Him. There was such a deep love that flooded my heart.

Now obviously, God did not physically take my voice from me, but I know that spiritually something changed in that moment. I was actually willing to give up my voice, this thing I love, for Him.

My moment of trust and surrender may seem insignificant, but it was real. Naturally, this brings to mind Abraham and Isaac. Can you even imagine what must have gone through Abraham's mind as he lay his son, the promised heir, on the altar of sacrifice? That he was willing to lift his knife to sacrifice this boy, whom he loved, to God is beyond my capability of understanding. It must have been so confusing for Abraham that God Almighty, the I Am, would ask this of him. And yet, he was willing and obedient.

We know how the story ends. We know that God stopped him and gave him a ram to sacrifice instead. At the time, though, Abraham did not know the ending. This man of faith had COMPLETE trust in God and understood what it means to surrender everything in his life to God.

I long to know that kind of surrender in my life.

How about you? Is there something in your life that you love so much you aren't sure you could hand it over if God asked it of you? 

Be blessed, my friends.

Loving the "Monster"

I was a newly married 19 year old girl when we adopted my oldest son. He was a gift from heaven for me.

You see, a little over a year earlier, I had surgery to remove a softball sized fibroid tumor where half my uterus should have been. I had only one fallopian tube which was adhered to my intestines, endometriosis, and ovarian cysts that ruptured frequently. My reproductive system was a mess. My surgeon gave me the news at the tender age of 18 that I would not be able to have children. I was crushed as I watched my dream of being a mom slip away.

One year later, less than 6 months after getting married, I held my son in my arms. He was six and a half months old and perfect.

I have often said that my son was difficult to raise, but the truth is, it wasn't his fault. He was extremely intelligent and his personality required strict boundaries and rules that came with consequences when broken. At my young age, I did my best to provide the structure he needed, but I failed often. Each morning he would wake and test the boundaries of that day because I was not consistent in providing them. I went on to have 3 miracle babies after him, and by the time I was 25, I had four children and a struggling marriage. I was exhausted, and this smart young boy took full advantage of my exhaustion. And yet, even through his temper tantrums and disobedience, there was inside him a sweetness and tenderness. His ability to love and his giant heart were incomparable. He was a good boy.

At 12 years of age, he discovered the world of pornography on the world wide web. He used his intelligence to hide it from me by clearing the computer of all traces of his new habit. Then one day, I caught him. He was now 13, and as a single mom, I had the job of talking to him about pornography and why it is wrong. This was a tough conversation and both he and I squirmed as we trudged through it.

Fast forward to the year 2012. My other son revealed to me that his brother had molested him for years. It began when he was 8, and my oldest son was 12. That's right, the same year he discovered porn on the internet. I jumped into action as best I could getting both my boys counseling. My oldest was now 20 and living on his own. I sent him money for his first counseling appointment. He never went back.

A few months later, this sweet, intelligent, kind, big-hearted boy of mine, was arrested and put into jail on felony charges. He was facing the possibility of life in prison. He later took a plea deal that gave him 7 years, plus 15 years probation, and a lifetime on the sexual offenders registry. He is serving his prison sentence as I write this.

I made the mistake of reading the comments on the articles about him online. Calls for castration and the death penalty filled the comments section. Names like “worthless piece of #&%!” and “monster” were used to describe him. I understand why people say these things. I used to say them, too, when I saw sex offenders on the news. I used to share the outcry and disgust and I believed “those people” were somehow less human. Until the day came when that “monster” was my son.

In one moment, my perspective shifted. I thought of all the mothers out there with children in prison. These women who love the “unloveables” of our society. The heart ache they feel was all too real to me now. They had raised these children, loved them, nurtured them and given their hearts to them. Yet, these children grew up and made choices of their own. Sometimes these choices were made at an early age, like my son, and some later in life. Whatever the situation, I no longer believe that those in prison are beyond help. They are human beings, just like you and I, and they deserve to be shown love and compassion.

I am not saying they shouldn't pay their debt to society for their crimes. I am not saying they should be given a free pass. They made their choices and with those choices come real consequences.

I am simply saying this: they are not worthless, and they deserve to be loved. They are no less a child of God than you or I. When Jesus spoke of the shepherd who left his flock of 99 behind to retrieve the one that was lost, he didn't add an addendum that said only if the one was deserving. Jesus died for all of us, not just some of us.

Through this situation, I have learned to love not just those that I deem “worthy” in my human mind, but to love ALL. This is what Jesus did when He walked this earth and it is what He still does today. I still struggle at times with the man-made cast system that has been ingrained in me, but I am quickly reminded that Jesus wiped away that system with His sacrifice on the cross. The blood that He shed – the Atoning Blood of Jesus – was shed for all regardless of race, gender, personality, or the size of our sin. Through the Blood of Jesus we are all the same.

John 13:34-35  A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.  By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Romans 5:8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Be Blessed, my friends.  

The Day My Heart Stopped Beating

“Mom, I would like to talk to you. Can we go for a walk later?”

Those words will forever ring in my ears. Those two sentences created a canyon in my life. Before I even laced up my sneakers, I knew. I could feel the ground splitting beneath me creating a void between the life I knew and the life I would come to know.

As I stepped out into the quiet streets of our simple neighborhood with my 15 year old son, I began making small talk. My beautiful boy allowed me to babble on for a few minutes with patience and grace. The conversation naturally died, as we both anticipated the real reason behind this stroll.

“So,” he began, “there is something I need to tell you.”

“Okay,” I responded while trying desperately to swallow my heart which had jumped into my throat, “go on.”

He began to tell me a tale that sent my emotions into a tailspin from which I have yet to fully recover. From the age of around 8 through the age of 13, he had been molested by his older brother.

In my head, there was a deafening, silent scream. With all the strength I could muster, I ignored that sound and did my best to respond to my son with love and care. The heart that had been pounding in my throat just a moment before now dropped to my stomach and stopped beating.

I listened to him tell me as much as he wanted to tell me. He talked for a few minutes and calmly explained to me the horror he had lived through in the years that should have been sweet and carefree for a young boy. I gently probed him with questions, trying to put a time line together in my head. I was shamefully relieved when he chose not to share the details. I think he wisely knew I could not handle such information at that moment, and he was right.

I honestly don't have a clear memory of the rest of our conversation. I know I hugged him and told him I was sorry. I know I told him that I love him and that this was not his fault. I think I told him that this does not define him. I'm fairly certain we talked about God. Sadly, I did not pray with him.

As we approached the now unfamiliar front door, and stepped into the home that somehow had changed in the last 20 minutes, he assured me he was okay and went to his room. As he closed his door, my heart woke up and began to race faster than I had ever experienced. It kept beating that way until I felt it crack, and then shatter into what must have been a million pieces. And I began to sob.

In that moment, in the midst of a pain unlike anything I had felt before, I knew only one thing for certain. God was with me. As I cried tears that felt like molten lava streaming down my face, I knew beyond that shadow of a doubt that He was there – holding me, pouring out His Love and Mercy upon me. He knew I would not be able to endure the coming months without Him. I knew it, too.

As I eventually found sleep on a tear soaked pillow early the next morning, several verses were swirling through my mind:

Romans 8:28, 35, 37-39

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.

Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or anguish or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?

No, in all these things we are more than victorious through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that not even death or life, angels or rulers, things present or things to come, hostile powers, height or depth, or any other created thing will have the power to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord!

I did not feel victorious. I did not understand how I would ever get through the chaos in my head. I could not see how anything good could come from this. I was going to have to entrust my life, and the lives of my family to God. It took time, and many tries, to come to the point of doing so, but eventually the Peace that comes from trusting God did arrive.

What are you facing in your life right now? Does it seem hopeless? Or is it something that seems trivial, and yet it continues to be a thorn in your side?

I encourage you to believe what it says in Romans 8 – ALL THINGS work together for the good of those who love God, and NOTHING has the power to separate us from the love of God. Lean into His Love today. Trust Him with your life, with your trial, with every situation.

I promise you... the Peace which surpasses all understanding will come.

Be Blessed!